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The Taliban's training monkeys to gun down Americans? It's a bogus claim that's sparked some serious (and not-that-serious) fact-checking.
People's Daily Online started the monkeyshines in China a couple of weeks ago, with a report claiming that the Afghan Taliban was using bananas and peanuts in an experiment to teach monkeys how to fire machine guns and mortar rounds at soldiers wearing U.S. military uniforms. The report even said the program was modeled after a CIA effort to train "monkey soldiers" during the Vietnam War, and quoted an unnamed U.S. military source as confirming the existence of the Taliban monkeys.
The fallout has been as hilarious as the original story: Taiwan-based Next Media Animation, which churns out CGI parodies like The Onion on ginseng, put together a video report on the killer monkeys. Over at Stars and Stripes, Jeff Schogol (the Rumor Doctor) went so far as to check with NATO officials, Chinese Embassy officials and a primatologist at the University of Wisconsin at Madison. Schogol turned up no hard evidence of monkey mayhem, although primatologist Christopher Coe said he had heard unsubstantiated reports of monkeys being trained to jump into enemy trenches carrying grenades when India and Pakistan were at war.
The widely distributed photos of a gun-wielding monkey also came in for scrutiny: Staff Sgt. Roy Dunigan sent Schogol a full-color version of the picture from his own collection, clearly showing that the baboon is on a leash, crouching behind a toy gun. So where did that photo come from? Dunigan couldn't recall.
Can monkeys possibly be trained to recognize combatants and fire sophisticated weapons at them? Uuuuunlikely. Some researchers say the ability to learn sequential tasks is what separates humans from other primates in evolutionary terms. It may be why language comes so easily to us. Non-human primates can learn to do some amazing things, such as using limited sign language or playing a computer memory game. Scientists only recently found out that monkeys can learn to fish. And the U.S. military has recruited dolphins for guard duty.
But monkeys carefully aiming machine guns at adversaries wearing the Stars and Stripes on their sleeves? No way.
The follow-up question is, can readers and editors possibly be trained to recognize a ridiculous report? Not always. The New York Post's straight-up coverage of the monkey terrorist threat, for example, earned Keith Olbermann's "Worst Person in the World" award on MSNBC last night. And if you think that everyone in the Chinese news media will learn a lesson, consider that the Beijing Evening News was badly fooled eight years ago by a similarly silly story about Congress' demands for new digs ... originally appearing in The Onion, no less.
Tip o' the Log to Discovery News' Jennifer Viegas.
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Leave a Comment:
I used to believe that nonsense about Democrats and weapons...
But the last 7 or so years have taught me a thing or two. Guess what... Just like the GOPrs; some HUNT.. and FISH... and all manner of stuff Baggercans pretend to hold patents on.
I still think this is just another highly inspired and well thought out plan from his Right Honorable Governor "Gilligan" Jindal.
OMG!
And who would have thought that it wasn't true? Evidently a lot of people.
There are sooo many jokes that come to mind...but I'll leave them alone.
I want that pic for an avatar though...
Thanks for the article, Alan. I don't believe Adam, Eve, Mary, Joseph, or Jesus came up in this one. ;-)
Aw...whoops....sorry Darrah, I invoked the superstar as a rebuke to the teachings of they who shall not be named.
As the kids say, my bad.
Peace
I was referring to an earlier article that Alan wrote about immortality. He referred to the dawn of mankind (which I would have used) as "not since Adam and Eve..."
Not only are they desert rats, they hide among civilians for protection, and the only thing they can do is to brainwash innocent civilians to commit suicide, all in the name of Allah.
One problem. Monkeys are much smarter than Muslim terrorists.
So that's what the typical Al Quaeda recruit looks like! I've often wondered, thanks msnbc (-:
Last I knew, monkeys have the I.Q. of a 2 yr. old. Think you can teach your toddler to shot a machine gun at something? Hell, their "attention span" is shorter than mine-lol.
I wondered when I saw the headline to this report "what kind of trouble can this joke cause?" And now I know.
Does anyone remember the famous Orson Wells "War of the Worlds" radio broadcast from the 1930's? I thought not.
A radio show that panicked parts of the eastern united states who thought death ray weilding martians had invaded New England.
Well, who knew the Chinese were fans of Orson Wells.
I don't know what the mandarin word for "Gotcha" is...but I'll bet you that word is being tossed around quite a bit by our friends from the mysterious east.
Look at the arguments that have ensued. Look at the racist, political, hate-filled BS that has been tossed around just because Alan shared this bizarre little story with us.
IT'S A JOKE KIDS.
If this is the response to a joke, we are truly doomed. Not because of the "Liberals" or the "Conservatives" or any other one group. But because we have become so deeply divided as a nation that we cannot put our difference aside and laugh without taking an unprovoked and unwarranted shot at our fellow americans.
Hang it up folks, put out the "for sale" sign, we are done, we are in decline. I just hope there is someone left who can turn out the lights and write up the history of what was once a great nation. We had our faults, and we still do, but when it mattered we could pull together. I do not think that is possible any more. In this great society of high technology and virtually universal education we are slipping back into the dark ages or ignorance, intolerance and extreme xenophobia.
Bye-bye American Pie.
I wasn't around on that fateful Halloween when Orson Welles broadcasted his " joke". But I've heard bits and pieces of it. From what I heard, people actually committed suicide because they thought it was real. Mr. Welles should have spent some time in the big house for that.
There are some things that aren't funny--as in someone actually putting out this rumor of terrorist monkeys to begin with. It's funny because it's not true. But then some actually believe it. I think it could be considered right wing propaganda.
But it's about time to wrap this baby up.
How can you tell the difference between a Talibani and a monkey. The monkey is higher on the evolutionary scale.
Actually, I would have thought the tail would have been a dead give away. Go figure.
PEACE
There might be some truth to the rumor since the taliban has to screw something when they are not doing little boys.
This Liberal vs. Conservative bickering paralyzed our government and is tearing apart our country. Why on earth can't Republicans and Democrats sit down and actually try and figure out what is Best for the Whole Country instead of this childish back and forth arguing. I am neither republican nor democrat and i strongly believe that both sides are worth listening to. No one and no group of people should ever assume they have all the answers.
I'm pretty sure I would have seen a whole army of flying monkeys when my mom took me to see the Wizard of Oz, but I covered my eyes because it was too scary.